“We’re like one big family here.”
It’s a phrase you often hear in small to medium-sized businesses. Maybe you’ve been on the receiving end or even uttered the words yourself. And in many ways, it sounds like the ultimate badge of honour for company culture, doesn’t it? Supportive, loyal, caring, trusting, dutiful, accepting, close-knit (all of that). The kind of place where people go to work each day and enjoy what they do – and they do it without too much scrutiny. There’s something very comforting about the whole idea.
But here’s the honest question I think more businesses need to ask themselves: Can a company feel too much like a family and not enough like a business?
In my experience, the answer is yes!
Don’t get me wrong – loyalty matters, trust matters, company culture absolutely matters, etc., but when loyalty is used as a shield against underperformance, it sends the wrong message.
Because when “family” becomes the dominant vibe, there’s something I’ve noticed that repeatedly slips through the cracks – accountability. In business, having too much of a ‘family feel’ can show up in subtle but damaging ways. Damaging because it creeps up on you while everyone’s busy protecting the narrative. It’s often not obvious to unsuspecting leaders at first, but over time, you will start to notice things – performance becomes inconsistent, deadlines get missed, accountability fades, complacency sets in, creativity stops, urgency drops, excuses become accepted, and eventually, inevitably, revenue suffers.
It might be that someone “who has been around for years” is underperforming, but no one at the top is willing to address the elephant in the room. Everyone can see it, but leadership avoids it – because they’ve been “with us since the early days” or “they’re part of the furniture.” Over time, this is the kind of avoidance (people debt) that becomes a pattern and then the norm. Acceptable behaviour is based on tenure or likeability, not contribution or growth potential. Promotions and pay rises go to people based on loyalty rather than capability or proven performance. It’s not malicious, it’s just been allowed to get that way. And here’s the uncomfortable truth: it’s negligent leadership.
No one sets out to reward mediocrity. But when these habits start to take hold, they send a clear message to the rest of the team: “You’re not being assessed on your performance here,” and the narrative spreads like wildfire. Standards have now lowered without anyone noticing. Good leadership isn’t about being liked by everyone. It’s about being respected for doing what’s right for the business and doing right by your people.
The strongest teams I’ve seen strike the right balance when it comes to the family vibe. They still care about each other, they’re supportive, they want other people to be successful, they don’t let people down, and they give feedback, even when it’s uncomfortable…but they do not let any of those feelings override the need for performance, clarity, and accountability. They set expectations, dish out a bit of tough love occasionally, and hold everyone to high standards. Not because they’re cold or combative, but because there’s still a business to be run.
Here’s a thought…
Is promoting a “family” type atmosphere actually fair? On the surface, it sounds inviting, even aspirational – but can your employees truly live up to the expectations that come with that label? This is especially true for new hires. Family implies unconditional support and protection from hardship, but no employer can guarantee job security, unconditional happiness, loving protection, or a safe environment. It suggests that no matter what happens, you will always be looked after. Businesses face tough calls all the time – markets shift, revenue fluctuates, customer preferences change, roles evolve, and jobs can be lost. So, can you ever make the right decisions as a leader if you treat all of your employees like family?
So, what’s the fix?
Stop trying to be a family. Start being a great, high-performing team. Great teams are built on trust, accountability, and performance. They support each other, challenge each other, and play to win. Successful businesses thrive on performance. A great culture is also very powerful – only when it’s backed up by clear standards, shared goals, and open, honest communication. Without those elements, culture becomes merely nice feelings and unspoken assumptions. It might look impressive on the surface – team lunches, birthday celebrations, remote working, a Slack channel full of emojis – but beneath, there’s often confusion, inconsistency, and a growing disconnect between what the business claims to value and what it rewards.
A great culture doesn’t mean keeping everyone happy all the time. It means creating an environment where people know what’s expected of them, understand how success is measured, and feel safe enough to speak up, especially when something isn’t working. That only occurs when leaders are willing to set the bar high, communicate clearly, and engage in difficult conversations when standards aren’t being met.
People don’t need a family at work. They need clarity, feedback, and leadership. They need to understand the commercial reality of poor performance. They need to know what winning looks like – and that everyone is held to the same expectations and level of accountability, from the top down.
Somewhere between “we are like family” and “don’t worry, it’s just business” may lie the answer.